How to repair a broken relationship?

That’s a hard question.  The first aspect to consider is being agreeable.  In a complicated relationship, being agreeable seems contrary to human nature.  The natural reaction to a disagreement is defending the territory with a well-planned argument.  Defense, however,  is the weaker position and a sure-fire way to make problems worse and staying agreeable is key.

“Be a Lover, Not a Fighter”

Maybe you’ve heard someone say “be a lover, not a fighter.”  In my life, however, I am a fighter. My natural disposition is to react to the situation with a fierce personal opinion, backing up my reasons to show my worth. Exacerbated by my years in the male-dominated business world, my natural fighter instincts flourished.  As a CPA in the cut-throat business of commercial real estate, I often found myself the only woman in the room.  My natural reaction was to fight, to stand my ground and to win, which provided a mask for my insecurities.  My idea of equality between the sexes is skewed because we are not the same.  Men and women are equal, yes, but different.

Meekness is Not Weakness

I am working on being less argumentative and will probably struggle with this until the day that I die.  Over the years, I have learned that it is better to stop an argument in its tracks.  How? By simply being quiet. Keeping quiet is a skill to cultivate, but doesn’t mean it’s easy.  Quietness does not mean you have to be a pushover, but rather learn to actively avoid combative arguments wherever possible.  Learning to be quiet is a virtue. It’s called “meekness.” Don’t consider it a weakness; it is “strength under control.”  It is considered by many scholars to be a character trait of love so the heed advice, “be a lover, not a fighter.” Realize that maintaining a quiet-loving attitude within the context of a strained relationship is the greatest strategy to sweeten things up. Quietness is often the best response to turning away wrath.

Communication is the Key to Success

Does this mean rolling over and giving into the most dominant person in the relationship?  Not at all.  Being agreeable is about being less argumentative and less combative, which opens the doors to more efficient communication.  In every human relationship, communication is the key to success.  Poor communication leads to misunderstandings, pain, disrespectful exchanges and unresolved emotional turmoil.  When we dial down the tension in the relationship, it leaves room for connection and understanding on a whole new level.

Just Breathe

Stop arguing, learn to slow down, take a deep breath, and quiet the surge of emotions, this will allow you to see things with more clarity.  Diffuse disputed issues rapidly by understanding when it is wise to keep quiet. Find another way to explain the situation without jumping onto the combative bandwagon.

Most people want to prove their views are right. It’s not uncommon.  Don’t allow pride and selfishness to drown rational conservations. If the other person feels respected and heard, however, it is more likely they will reciprocate by validating your point of view.   You have the power to lessen the tension in the room, to provide a platform for healthy communication and to foster respectful exchanges.

Learning how to repair a broken relationship is not an easy concept to master, especially for those of us who are strong-willed and striving to assert our independence, but the rewards are worth it.  As far as it is possible, try to live at peace with everyone by being more agreeable.